My compassionate son

Poor Jack had to go to the dentist to get his front tooth pulled yesterday. His permanent tooth was growing in behind the baby tooth so the dentist had to get it out. This was also the case with his other front tooth which he had pulled about a month ago. The first went flawlessly and he came out in smiles excited about the tooth fairy coming that night. Yesterday was a different story. I was in the waiting room and when he was done he came out running to me SOBBING and wrapped himself around me. When he could finally talk he said the numbing gel wore off and it "really hurt." As we were leaving the dental assistant came out and said Jack didn't want to choose any prizes for himself, but he did chose something for his sister! Back up a bit... earlier in the week Jack found a Japanese fan he got at a festival a long time ago. It's funny how those toys that have been out of sight for such a long time all of a sudden become "my favorite one." This silly fan has been the subject of a lot of sharing issues this week. So- what did Jack chose for his sister in his crying state of pain... a Japanese fan. They played with those fans all night. This is truly Jack's personality. He is such a caring big brother and we love him!

Adoption is not for the faint at heart!

Warning! This is not a positive or rosy post. I was hoping to post yesterday that we finally made it to the last step- that we were only waiting on one more document that tells us to book our tickets and come to China. But, we are still waiting for the document before that, the one that was supposed to take 2 weeks and so far it has been a month and we are STILL waiting!


I knew nothing going into this process, and I mean nothing about the actual informational part of the process and certainly nothing about the emotional toll this would all take. I should have known. I've been on the emotional rollercoaster before trying to have children and obviously since then just raising them. I have learned so much in the last year and thankfully have become a member of the most wonderful and supportive group of RQ friends who are all somewhere in their adoption process. What I've learned more than anything else is that the majority of all of this is completely out of my control and that is very hard for me. I admit, I like things orderly, run the way I want, and I tend to have high expectations. The past year has been far from as far as the adoption. It's about hurry up and wait. You run around like crazy gathering documents, making appointments, going to and from fed ex, then sitting around and waiting for the next batch. You are at the whim of every government branch and agency, from local, to state, to federal, and international and unfortunately it just isn't a perfected process. I stare at my pictures of our little girl every day and ache for her. I vascillate from butterflies in my stomach and pure excitement about getting her, to saddness that she is not here, to anger that this is taking so darn long, and desperation that somehow it really won't happen. Of course all of this along with continuing as a sane person in my everyday life and making sure I'm taking care of the family I already have at home. And yes, I know the end result makes it all worth the wait but I'm not at the end yet. So right now I'm just kind of mad, about this 1 document, and hope the next post is one full of cheer, or at least cute pictures of my kids!!!

Weekend at the water park

The past couple of years we've taken the kids to Tantara Resort at the Lake of the Ozarks to spend a couple of days at the water park. It's only 3 hours away, very small, and the perfect easy getaway in the middle of the winter. We leave on Saturday morning, come home Sunday, and the kids are thrilled.

Carter riding the lazy river with daddy.

Jack's friend Grace came too.

Jack coming out of the big tube slide.

Callie full of smiles. She did the tube slide over and over both days.

The kids enjoying the hot tub.

Carter going down the little slide with me.

"Hi Mom."

This little waterfall was Carter's favorite part.

Just one member of our very tired crew on the way home. Definately a fun weekend!

Happy 8th Birthday Jack

Jack has been so excited to turn 8. If you ask him, it is much older and different than 7. He had a wonderful birthday with a couple of days full of fun.

Finally a shiny new bike. He has looked like such a big kid on his little bike. Now we need to spray paint the old one pink for Callie!

Out for pizza and games- the dinner of choice once McDonald's was vetoed by mom and dad!

All of Jack's grandparents pooled together to get him a Wii. He couldn't have wanted anything more!

Carter, "Did someone really give me full access to a can of chocolate frosting???"

Happy Birthday dear 8 year old Jack.

February 5, 2002

Eight years ago, I walked into the hospital as a wife, daughter, social worker... The next day I became a mother. No one could have told me what it truly feels like to be a mother. The incredible feeling of falling deeply in love in an instant. The emotions involved in the complete care of your child. The feelings of joy, excitement, love, pride, and fear, sorrow, frustration, guilt- all fluctuating on a daily basis, sometimes a minute by minute basis. Being a mother is more that I could have ever imagined and everything I have ever wanted. This is the title I have aspired to my whole life and I couldn't be any more content in this role. This is the most important and meaningful job I have ever done and will ever do and I love every minute of it ( well, some more than others.)

Happy 8th Birthday Jack, you changed my life!

Jack's baptism

Jack's first wedding

I'm so cute!!!

I'm 2!!!

I'm 3.

I'm 4.

Jack's BFF (from age 6 months and still at age 8!)

I'm 5.

I'm 6.

And 7.

I love you Jack.