Post -op And family

My husband had major surgery today, on his spinal cord....lots of room for error.  By the grace of God no error happened and he is home safe and sound.  But it's been a long day, with so much to reflect on and be thankful.
I will admit, the past week I have questioned this surgery.  Wondered if we were jumping to this too quickly.  That is the silliest thing ever considering he is the most brilliant Doctor out there and surrounded by other brilliant doctors, including the neurosurgeon who made this choice.  But I was a skeptic, because I certainly know more ( I watched every episode of ER, named my kid after my fav character), so certainly that makes me educated in medicine, right?  But we went in today, he headed to surgery, and it was all real.  I sat unphased all day, neurosurgeon came out and talked to me, and I was relived and thought "how soon can I get out of here?"
   Because of all days, today we had a snow day and I was worried about the kids.  This is where family and friends come in.  Brian's dad came in town yesterday, my mom arrived at 5:00am this morning, my friend took over at lunchtime and texted me pics of the kids and what they were all doing.  A friend brought dinner last night and breakfast this morning, my best friend brought dinner tonight while her husband, Brian's BFF was at the hospital the entire time. Another friend is brnging dinner tomorrow...... We are blessed.  And I know I talk about swimming all the time but we have been on this team for 7 years, our kids swim everyday, and our coaches are our friends and family too.  So they were texting today and checking in and offering help.  These are swim coaches!!! But they are all our family too, and so are our friends, and we are so grateful.  So yes I wanted to get home, but not because I was worried about the kids, but just wanted to be with them.
   The rest of the night I cried....tons.  Relief mostly, the outpouring of anxiety from the past week.  Tears of "I'm not sure why I'm crying, it's done, he's fine....." Tears of joy and gratefulness for my family, dear friends, coaches, that all genuinely care.  And I'm humbled.  The line between friends and family is often clear... But not today.  And that's OK, even wonderful.  Because it extends our relationships far and wide and we are thankful for everyone.  So tonight I will sleep peacefully, first knowing Brian is OK and on the road to recovery, and feeling blessed by the outpouring of kindness our family and friends bring our way.
So to end on a funny note, my father in law brought with him the notion of the game show network.   We all watched American Ninja Warrior last night for the first time.  Tonight after Brian was home and settled,  we watched Deal or no Deal.  I love those blasts from the past, so entertaining.  Kids thought they were awesome!  Looks like our new favorite channel,   Thanks Papaw.  So I have no pictures of my kids having fun in the snow today (they played out there a ton) but I took  one of them together, wanting to be with their dad, watching their new show.

Faith under fire

     I was listening to a radio broadcast the other day titled "Faith under Fire."  I was actually on my way to my weekly visit with  my aunt, who will be 101 next week.....yes, 101 years old.  And often while I am driving there, I am distracted by the list of things I need to get done.  And sometimes, since I am being brutally honest, I wish I could skip this little visit.  But little it is never.  And I always leave feeling enlightened and so grateful for my time with her. And on the honest train, I want to go back the next day.  Spending time with someone you love who is 100 years old is unique, and special.  And every single time she provides a perspective on the most mondane things in my life, and makes them wonderful and interesting and new.  She gives me a new spirit, a new hope, and a positive edge I most certainly did not walk in with.  I call this "faith."
   We all get caught up in the muck.  This week has particularly been full of it for me.  My husband is struggling, my relationship with my daughters is tenuous, we are trying to make big decisions about high school,  I can tell my body is worn down and it's so easy to jump on the self pity train.  But then I listen to this sermon "Faith under fire."  It challenges me to think about this.  Where is my faith?  Because this might be a time I'm under fire.  And driving to the nursing home I listened intently and concentrated and thought about it.  But after 90 minutes with the most faithful woman I know with endless wisdom and prayer, I choose faith, over fire.  Because really what is so bad?
   Nothing..... I am healthy, amazing family, comfortable, love and am loved.
And here are concrete examples of faith in my life....
After lots of arguing and not nice words between my daughter and I about going to a swim   practice at the end of a long week, we were in the car, both grumpy and mad.  Not sure what impelled me but but for the first time ever I reached over and held her hand, and in an instant everything melted away and we were both at peace, and happy. The love literally transferred between us and she was good, and I knew she would be OK.
While laying with my son in bed, I can inhale and smell his scent, and I couldn't love anything more.  He always flops on his stomach  and waits for a back rub which I love giving.  And he can go to bed happily, and sound and secure in about 60 seconds.
And days can be hard with my little girl.   A daily battle it seems sometimes.  But I have taught her key words.  It's hard for her to use them but this weekend she did, so in the midst of anger and frustration on both our parts she said them.  "I need some loving."  Everything drops and I rock her and all is forgiven.
Jack.... just navigating life, and grateful for it all (most of the time.)

So guess what?  I choose Faith.  I always have, yet age and life provides a clearer view.  And tomorrow when I am teaching my adorable preschool sunday school class I will again be reminded of my choice, and be grateful to even have this choice.  I choose "Faith under fire."