Faith under fire

     I was listening to a radio broadcast the other day titled "Faith under Fire."  I was actually on my way to my weekly visit with  my aunt, who will be 101 next week.....yes, 101 years old.  And often while I am driving there, I am distracted by the list of things I need to get done.  And sometimes, since I am being brutally honest, I wish I could skip this little visit.  But little it is never.  And I always leave feeling enlightened and so grateful for my time with her. And on the honest train, I want to go back the next day.  Spending time with someone you love who is 100 years old is unique, and special.  And every single time she provides a perspective on the most mondane things in my life, and makes them wonderful and interesting and new.  She gives me a new spirit, a new hope, and a positive edge I most certainly did not walk in with.  I call this "faith."
   We all get caught up in the muck.  This week has particularly been full of it for me.  My husband is struggling, my relationship with my daughters is tenuous, we are trying to make big decisions about high school,  I can tell my body is worn down and it's so easy to jump on the self pity train.  But then I listen to this sermon "Faith under fire."  It challenges me to think about this.  Where is my faith?  Because this might be a time I'm under fire.  And driving to the nursing home I listened intently and concentrated and thought about it.  But after 90 minutes with the most faithful woman I know with endless wisdom and prayer, I choose faith, over fire.  Because really what is so bad?
   Nothing..... I am healthy, amazing family, comfortable, love and am loved.
And here are concrete examples of faith in my life....
After lots of arguing and not nice words between my daughter and I about going to a swim   practice at the end of a long week, we were in the car, both grumpy and mad.  Not sure what impelled me but but for the first time ever I reached over and held her hand, and in an instant everything melted away and we were both at peace, and happy. The love literally transferred between us and she was good, and I knew she would be OK.
While laying with my son in bed, I can inhale and smell his scent, and I couldn't love anything more.  He always flops on his stomach  and waits for a back rub which I love giving.  And he can go to bed happily, and sound and secure in about 60 seconds.
And days can be hard with my little girl.   A daily battle it seems sometimes.  But I have taught her key words.  It's hard for her to use them but this weekend she did, so in the midst of anger and frustration on both our parts she said them.  "I need some loving."  Everything drops and I rock her and all is forgiven.
Jack.... just navigating life, and grateful for it all (most of the time.)

So guess what?  I choose Faith.  I always have, yet age and life provides a clearer view.  And tomorrow when I am teaching my adorable preschool sunday school class I will again be reminded of my choice, and be grateful to even have this choice.  I choose "Faith under fire."

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